Traditional Chinese Wedding Procedures

In the past, the prospective bridegroom's side would sent letters to the family of the bride.
There were a total of Three (3) letters 三书(san shu):-

1. Initial gifts were presented together with a letter requesting for a marriage.
2. If the bride side agreed with the wedding: Formal gifts were given to the bride's
family together with a letter listing out all the formal gifts.
3. On the day of the wedding, a wedding letter was presented to the bride's family
to show that the bride has become a member of the groom's family.

In addition, it is common to observe 6 steps 六礼(liu li) or etiquettes leading towards the
actual wedding process:-

1. Getting a match-maker to convey the groom's family request to the bride's side.
2. Exchanging both bride & groom's date of birth to check on their compatibility.
3. If all goes well and both parties are happy with the arrangement, the groom's
side would sent an initial gift together with a letter requesting for the marriage.
4. If the bride's family accepts the wedding proposal, the formal gift (Guo Da Li) will
be sent by the groom to confirm the acceptance of the marriage.
5. An auspicious date is selected for the wedding.
6. The day of the traditional wedding ceremony.

Now-a-days in a modern wedding, most Chinese families no longer adhere to the sending
of the above Three (3) letters. Furthermore, not all the six-steps or etiquettes may be
followed:-

1. More often, couples know each other through schooling, work-place or other
social gatherings. Less dependent on family match-makers. Although other type
of match-making is becoming popular e.g. SDU, internet match-making
websites.
2. Some modern families e.g Chinese Christians have done away with the
checking and exchanging of the Bride & Groom’s date of birth-dates. They may
also turn to a geomancer to look at favourable dates.
3. Nowadays, if both parties (brides & groom's) are agreeable with the wedding,
they may have a formal meeting to discuss on what type of formal gifts the
bride's side would like to have and also to discuss the amount of wedding tables
that will be allocated by the groom's side to the bride's family side. For example
the bride's side may request for 40 wedding tables for the bride's family. Some
bride's family may even “chip-in” or may not even want to burden the groom's
side with added finances. It all depends!
4. More or less auspicious date is selected for the wedding.
5. Nowadays, there is the formal wedding at the Registry of Marriage for many
Chinese followed by the Traditional Wedding Ceremony or for Christians or
Catholics, a formal wedding at a church.

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